Ever gotten a speeding ticket? This is an average event that many are willing to admit to. I then ask if they just wanted to drive fast or were they in a hurry. I will solicit other unwanted consequences to being in a hurry. This includes; accidents, increased insurance premiums, and road rage. Also there can be a negative cycle of miscommunication because we appear to be angry. Physiologically we are in the same physical state when we are in a hurry as we are when we're angry. How angry or how much of a hurry we're in regulate the intensity of the stress. The wanted consequences are that sometime we get there in time. If we hustle we get the job done. By being aware that we are in a stressor state we can control our thoughts and impulses so that we are in better control of the state rather than the state controlling us.
Being strong is common, As the Brits would say, "Keep a stiff upper lip." Let's face it, we don't always have time for an emotional moment. Working in a high drama environment can be very difficult. One of the primary benefits of stuffing our feeling is that we can get things done. The unwanted consequences are when we don't ever let it out. If we don't let it out in healthy ways, it comes out in other ways. Either we blow up or we engage in antisocial behavior.
Being perfect has resulted in incredible works of artistry. As we attempt to achieve extending our reach beyond our grasp we can accomplish beyond what we dream. Perfectionism can have some very unwanted consequences for ourselves and others around us. We learn by our mistakes. If we don't allow ourselves to make mistakes we don't progress. When we are intolerable of our own imperfections we tend to be intolerable of those imperfections we see in. others. To accept oneself as one is, is a paradox. When we can accept our imperfections we begin to move out of them. When we don't accept our imperfections we stay stuck. We didn't start out walking perfectly. It was try-fail, try-fail, fry-succeed.
"What is Trying?" "What are the benefits of "Trying?" "Have you ever been let off the hook because you said, "I tried." We try when we believe we lack the knowledge or skills to accomplish a task. It is one of the ways that we learn and grow. Unwanted consequences are when we try once, don't succeed and give up. Or we give up after a minimal effort. When we know we're going to succeed, we don't say we're going to try and do it, we say we are going to do it. If we catch ourselves saying we are going to try, we can use that as a red flag that we need to get some more help or information. If someone says to us that they are going to try, it gives us a heads up that they can't see their way clear arid they might not succeed. If what we need to have happen is really important, than we need to probe and find out what the perceived barriers might be.
We have all been taught to be people pleasers. We want to please others and for others to please us. We were taught to put our best foot forward. As they say, "You have only one shot at making a first impression." It's great if we make a good first impression. If we keep it turned on all the time, we stop being genuine. Instead of pulling us together, it pushes us away. Being group minded is a healthy way of remaining genuine and being considerate of others. It requires effort, but the payoff is knowing others have your back. When we think in terms of us being exceptional and expect others to please us, we are usually in for a big disappointment. This is where we need to please ourselves.